Being more vulnerable doesn't = being more trusted…

For the experts who are tired of being told that more authenticity means baring it all online. Here's how to decide what you share, on purpose.

You don’t have to bare your soul to build a personal brand

How to decide what’s yours to share, what isn’t, and why the timing matters more than the topic.

Last week I told you that relatability was killing your sales.

That being liked and being trusted are two completely different currencies, and most experts are optimizing for the wrong one.

Here’s the part I didn’t get into.

Because there’s a version of that advice that goes sideways FAST.

“Be more than likable” gets translated into “get more vulnerable.”

Go deeper. Get rawer. Show the mess, because your message lives in the mess.

Which I think is some of the worst advice for expert personal brands on the planet.

Because being more vulnerable doesn’t = being more trusted, and in some cases, it can do the exact opposite.

There are people making millions who you know nothing about

Think about the experts you respect most in your industry.

I’d bet there are several where you have no idea what their family life looks like.

You don’t know their politics.

You couldn’t tell me one thing about what’s going on behind the scenes in their house.

You may know they are married, and have kids…

The basics…

But, you don’t know their struggles, the hard things they’ve worked through (or are going through), or the battles they’ve fought.

And you’d still hand them money tomorrow!

Multiple millions of dollars, built entirely on expertise and how they show up - without ever narrating their hardest seasons in real time.

That’s an option available to you and nobody tells you that…

Instead, they tell you to get MORE raw, and more “real” online… no matter how comfortable you feel.

If you are someone who LOVES baring it all, cool . Keep going.

Some people build brands where their whole life is part of the offer, and it works, and they love it.

But you don’t have to, and you should know what you are getting into, and how to make the decision for yourself.

So, I am walking you through some questions that help you do exactly that.

But first, what a personal brand is actually built on…

Your expertise.

Your convictions.

How you show up and how you solve problems for your people.

That’s it…. that’s the whole foundation, and not ONE piece of it requires access to your private life!

Your buyer isn’t auditioning you for a friendship.

She’s trying to figure out whether you can get her a result.

She’s looking for judgment.

Can this person assess a situation and tell me the right move?

She’s looking for recognition.

Does this person see MY problem, or are they talking about a topic?

And she’s looking for shared values.

Would this person tell me the truth when the truth is expensive? Do I like their way of thinking? Can I get behind HOW they get the result, not just what the result is?

None of those three require your trauma, your politics, or your jaded past (or present).

You can establish every one of them with the way you think out loud about your work.

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The three questions

Here are a few questions to ask yourself when it comes to creating content…

1. Is this mine to tell?

Or is it someone else’s story that I happen to be standing next to?

Your marriage involves another adult.

Your kids didn’t consent to being content.

Your sister’s hard year is her hard year.

Would that person be comfortable with this being on the internet? What about in 10 years? What about months after the season is over and everyone’s moved on? Would they be cool with the messy, hard parts being out there>

Not “would they forgive me” - but would they be COMFORTABLE?

I would consider this seriously before sharing online.

2. Are you too close things?

Sometimes, while you are in the middle of something, it’s hard to maintain perspective.

Do you want your messy middle thoughts to be immortalized on the interwebs forever?

Or… would you rather wait until you are on the other side of things to share some perspective, after things have been processed?

3. Is this necessary for someone to trust me and get a result?

This is the big one.

Does knowing this make somebody MORE confident I can help them?

Or does it just make me more relatable, in a way that quietly costs me authority?

And be honest about the follow-up: am I posting this because it’s core to my work…. or am I capitalizing on something I think will get good engagement?

Am I just trying to get more views or is sharing this really important to the workmI do?

Will sharing this actually cause people to DOUBT my ability to help them?

I think sometimes in the age of authenticity we think that being authentic means sharing EVERYTHING .

You can be honest, and fully YOU, without sharing every part of your life.

Just because it’s true doesn’t mean the world (and thousands of strangers) have to know about it.

Politics, religion…in or out?

I’m about to get controversial up in here….

Okay, not really.

I am obviously VERY open about my faith. But that was a conscious decision I made 15 years ago when I started my first blog online.

You might look at your beliefs and go, this is core to me, this shapes how I work, and I only want clients who share it, or at a minimum, I want to be clear that this is my perspective, so clients can decide whether they can live with that while working with me.

Build it in!

Say it out loud BUT… tie it to your expertise.

It’ll cost you people and it’ll bring you the right ones, and that’s TOTALLY fine.

Either way, make sure you understand WHY you are doing what you’re doing.

I always say that we all have to choose the hills we will die on… ask yourself is this the one? If yes, keep going.

If not… maybe don’t make it a key part of your brand.

You can stay entirely in your lane and your expertise and still be unmistakable as a person.

The questions are the same either way:

Am I comfortable building this into my brand, permanently?

Do I want that second layer?

Is this necessary for someone to work with me and get a result?

Is this really core to me, or is it just a thing I have an opinion about?

That last one matters more than people think.

If you’ll stand behind it ten toes down, forever, then it belongs in your message.

If it’s just an opinion you happen to hold and it isn’t a big deal to you…. skip it!

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So what CAN you share?

Plenty! This isn’t about being some bland, watered down version of yourself.

It’s not about NOT being human.

It’s about truly crafting a brand that focuses on the right thing… building TRUST for the people you help.

Letting them know why you are the BEST option for them…

There are absolutely parts of that that can be personal, and everyone has their own comfort level with what they share…

But just know you can build an 8-9 figure personal brand, and not every have to cry on camera.

Follow these principles…

Make it valuable to your MARKET, not just entertaining. You can absolutely talk about personal things. The test is whether the reader walks away with something they can use, or just something they enjoyed. Entertainment builds an audience - value builds a business.

Go small. We think the story has to be the big traumatic thing. It doesn’t! Ninety percent of the lessons any of us learn come from tiny day-to-day stuff. You were on a call and something clicked. A client said something that reframed the whole problem. Those moments are RICH, endlessly available, and they cost you nothing personal. Start writing them down as they happen.

Always carry a lesson. Think about how you’d do this with a friend at a table. You wouldn’t just say “you’ve got this!” and you wouldn’t dump your own hard story and leave it there. You’d say, I went through that exact thing and here’s how it changed me, or here’s what I wish I’d known sooner, or here’s what I learned.

Write your standard down once

Here’s the practical piece, and it takes about fifteen minutes.

Stop deciding this post by post. Open a note and answer these 4 things, in writing:

My family. In or out? If in, which people and which situations, specifically? If out, out.

My faith and my politics. In or out? If in, it’s because I TRULY believe it’s pivotal to how I work. I am prepared to lose people over it! If you decide parts of this are in, what is the role, what’s off limits, what will be a major pilar?

My hard seasons. How much distance do I need before I’ll write about something? Name an actual amount of time so it isn’t a feeling in the moment.

My hard no’s. What is always off-limits?

That’s your standard. Five answers, one note, and you stop relitigating it every time something happens in your life and you’re wondering if it’s content.

Revisit it once a year, or when your business changes. Not in the moment, right after a post did well.

Personal brands are built a million different ways. You can become a household name, and remain as private as you want to.

In many cases, that’s actually wiser than you might realize.

Whatever you decided to do, make sure it’s an actual DECISION you are making, not just some random default you are falling into.

Want to go deeper on this with me?

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